This might surprise you...............RRRAAARRRGGGHHH

In answer to the question, "which one word would your friends use to describe you?", it seems the common consensus around here is SCARY.

I thought they were joking. Their meek half-smiles suggested differently.

"Scary? Scary? What the fuck do you mean, scary? Why would anyone be frightened of me? I'm lovely."

"Sometimes..." "Sometimes, what?"

Inside my head is a calm and tranquil garden by the sea. There's a maze, a big milky, pearly orb on ornate gilt legs, a sculptured secret forest, a tiered lawn down to the beach etc etc.

I don't have raging issues. I do ask "Why is the sky blue?", "what would you do if the person you were talking to suddenly disappeared?", but it's peaceful.

But then we examined the evidence. 'slebs are the buffer the elite use to keep us proles in our place', 'bastard middle classes don't have a clue about the reality of relative deprivation', 'Boris Becker was my imaginary friend'. And, that was just yesterday.

Seems I might be harbouring a mad, reactionary sister under the skin. One that always sends thank you letters, swoons at the mere mention of Dick York's Darin or his lovely son Mike Patton doing Bacharach, loves ickle fwuffy kittypuds and enjoys a good hot spanking every so often.

I wonder how many of the people I know and love are actually somebody very different and I've just never noticed. My oldest friendships date back 35 years, the most recent, just 4 years. I'm not sure now if I could accurately describe any of them, in my head they're how they were when I first met them and any behaviour that suggests differently is out-of-character.

Roll on the day when we can download out personalities and try out new ones. Or, upload ourselves into other bodies. Firstly, I'd like to try Bi-1950's deb working as a showgirl in Vegas.